The Wall (Part 2)

Ever run into anyone’s wall? 

I took a customer and her husband to breakfast yesterday morning and was discussing business with them.  After about 20 minutes, her eyes started to wander, and although she sat there a few more minutes, she was gone.  She had measured out how much time and attention she was going to give me and she was done.  She put up her wall, I had hit it, and the interview was over. 

Or maybe you’re talking to someone about doing something or heading in a direction they are uncomfortable with, and you can just feel when you’ve bounced into their wall.  You are allowed just so far and you ain’t going any farther.  Communcation over.  Period.  Wall.

I think most of the time the walls we put up are a defense mechanism.  We’ve been hurt in the past and we don’t want that again, so we measure out a safe distance and start laying brick.  Or we’ve established in our mind’s eye a view of who and what we are and we don’t want that image challenged or questioned.  We’ll allow and permit and submit to just so much, and after that, “talk to the wall.”  Our family and friends can tell us the boundaries of our wall because they’ve hit it so many times.  Now they just keep their distance unless they REALLY love us.

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”   Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.  Matthew 18:21-22

Peter was trying to get brownie points with Jesus by asking if he could forgive and let people back into his good graces seven times before he put up his wall.  That was a lot by any standard, wasn’t it?  As ususal, Jesus was completely unreasonable and told Peter he wasn’t even close.  Essentially, Jesus told him to stop counting and forget about limits.  Walls really aren’t allowed at all, at any distance, because they are bad for us.

What happens is that the walls we erect to protect ourselves actually turn out to imprison us.  When we measure out what we intend as a safe space and try to wall out pain and hurt and our past and other people and even God, we eventually just wall ourselves in.  And we get used to the loneliness and our eyes adjust to the dark and we are fooled into thinking that’s just the way it is and we can’t do anything about where and what we are.

The life God intends for us is much scarier than one with walls, and we’re gonna get hurt.  But He wants us to quit counting and measuring and weighing and limiting.  He wants our eyes and ears and hearts open.  He wants us to know Truth.  He came to set us free.  His forgiveness and love and grace knows no limits.

The Wall (Part 1)

…..with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.  Matthew 7:2 (NIV)

This idea will take more than one post, I’m afraid.  We all erect walls to insulate ourselves, our image and our ego from being touched by God and/or people around us.  When anything or Anyone gets too close to home, up goes the wall.  This can happen not just with strangers, but with friends, family, between husband and wife, and between us and God.  Yet we all want God and others to accept us as we are and love us and forgive us and show us grace.  God’s a whole lot better at this than people are. 

Bottom line, Jesus tells us that if we want and need (and we all do) a LOT of grace and love and forgiveness…..we have to be prepared to give a lot of the same.  If we put up the wall, keep people at a distance and measure what we’re willing to give up of ourselves in small doses, we shouldn’t be surprized when we get tiny responses in return.

Old Testament

One of the things I find challenging about navigating Christianity and the Bible is what to make of the Old Testament.  Jesus said He came not to abolish the law, but to fulfill it….yet Paul goes to great lengths to argue that Jesus Christ, NOT the law, is how we enter a right relationship with God.  So we’ve got this huge chunk of literature to deal with, and we claim it is the inspired word of God Himself.  And the stories are cool by any standard!  But how we read it and what we do with this part of the Bible matters.  I’m not at all sure I know exactly the right way, but I think I can smell out some of the wrong ways.

For example, I’ve heard Deuteronomy 22:9-11 used by Christians as the basis for an arument against interracial relationships and, by extension, against the resulting children.   Here are the verses:

Do not plant two kinds of seed in your vineyard; if you do, not only the crops you plant but also the fruit of the vineyard will be defiled.  Do not plow with an ox and a donkey yoked together.   Do not wear clothes of wool and linen woven together.

OK, it’s a stretch for me, but if someone wants to make the case that God is about order and purity, and that mixed marriages are forbidden by God, I’m willing to listen…… as long as you treat the REST of the OT scripture exactly the same way.

The verse just before these three says, “When you build a new house, make a parapet around your roof so that you may not bring the guilt of bloodshed on your house if someone falls from the roof.”  Deuteronomy 22:8.  And the verse following says, “Make tassels on the four corners of the cloak you wear.”  Deuteronomy 22:12

So if your house has a parapet (evidently this is some kind of railing) on your roof to keep people from plunging to their deaths, and if you have tassels on all four corners (not just three corners, mind you) of your cloak, and if you’re actually sporting a cloak when we speak, then at least you’re being consistent.  Although I still might not agree with you,  I can respect your views and the fact that you act on them at some level. 

Otherwise, ladies and gentlemen, I just ain’t buying it for a minute.  I’m not sure who and what all those specific laws were for, but I don’t think we get to pick and choose what parts of the law to elevate and uphold and what parts to ignore. 

Passion

As he approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it and said, “If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace—but now it is hidden from your eyes.  Luke 19:41 (NIV)  

This describes the scene of when Jesus came into Jerusalem for the last time.  The Son of God wasn’t cool and detached, He was passionate and it involved and included His emotions.  I think I missed (or more likely avoided) that attribute of God for a long, long time.  Thankfully, I’ve had some help from the example of folks further down that path than I am.

Louie Giglio and his peeps connected with the Passion movement, conferences, and music have had lots of influence in my life over the past couple of years (despite the fact I’m so old).  You can find them at www.268generation.com if you want to check them out.

The record label they sponsor has released their latest live CD called GOD OF THIS CITY and one of my favs is a song Christy Nockels does called HOSANNA.  (The crew at Newspring Church in Anderson SC also does a great job with this anthem.  I think the talented young lady that sings it there is named Rose Angela.)

The music is cool, but the lyrics really matter and the  simple line that always gets to me is this one: “Break my heart for what breaks Yours.”  Wow.  Every time I hear or sing those words, I think about what that would look like in my life if God actually answered that prayer.  I pray that I can more often sing that with integrity. 

Marriage

And did not God make [you and your wife] one [flesh]? Did not One make you and preserve your spirit alive? And why [did God make you two] one? Because He sought a godly offspring [from your union]. Therefore take heed to yourselves, and let no one deal treacherously and be faithless to the wife of his youth.   For the Lord, the God of Israel, says: I hate divorce and marital separation and him who covers his garment [his wife] with violence. Therefore keep a watch upon your spirit [that it may be controlled by My Spirit], that you deal not treacherously and faithlessly [with your marriage mate].  Malachi 2:15-16 (Amplified Bible)

Lots of us 40-somethings seem to really hit snags in our marriages about the time our kids begin leaving the nest.  We think our situations are unique to us, but they’re really not.  I’m watching several good friends try to navigate rough waters in their marriages, and I know that I’m not immune to the struggle they find themselves in.  And then when someone actually packs up and moves out, THEN everyone recognizes the situation is critical.  Man, it’s a painful thing, even to see from the outside….

I chose the Amplified Bible to reference the verse above, because it’s so easy to take out the part where God says, “I hate divorce,” and make that the beginning and end of the discussion.  I think the most important part of this passage comes before and after this statement, where God tells us to pay attention to ourselves and what’s going on inside us.  It’s SO easy to be deceived and let stuff grow in our hearts that will cause pain and hurt to us and the people closest to us.   And He warns us TWICE not to dare deal treacherously and faithlessly with the person we’ve joined with in marriage….literally, “the wife of his youth.”   It’s very, very serious business when God repeats Himself. 

Valentine

She was quite a bit better looking than he was.  That was obvious to everyone.  In fact, many have even felt compelled to comment on it.  He was a red-neck from the farm, while her family was upwardly mobile.  She was quiet and thoughtful and kind-hearted and loyal.  He was driven, and competitive, and, well too be honest, he could be pretty abrasive at times.  He did, however, have a clear idea of some things he wanted and she was one of them.  She was trying to follow close to God and wasn’t at all sure he was on the same path.  Using good judgement, she put him off.  Turns out that he was a Christian but not real serious about it….lukewarm at best.  But his mom had told him, “Date who you want, just make sure you marry a Christian girl.”  When God, and mom, and the girl of his dreams all gang up on a fellow,  a guy will find Love almost impossible to avoid.  Anyway, despite his faults and against all odds, she married him.  He dissappointed her many times over the years, but she stuck with him even when he didn’t deserve it.  The couple moved around the country some with school and jobs, and she followed and made her life where he was.  They had some kids and she devoted herself and her time fully to them rather than an outside career.  And she had to be independent, too, because his work required him to travel and leave her and the kids at home alone a lot.  The thing that always amazed the guy is that the better he got to know her and what was inside her heart, the more he loved and admired and respected who and what he found.  On the inside of the wedding ring she gave him is this verse:

Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth.  As a loving hind and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all time; Be exhilerated always with her love.  Proverbs 5:18-19 (NASB)

What a woman!  Thank you, God,  for the wife of my youth.  Happy Valentines Day, Laura.  You continue to bless and satisfy and exhilerate me with your love.

Like a little child

“I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”   Mark 10:15 (NIV)

Jesus is the speaker.   I don’t think Jesus is suggesting that children are innocent.  In my experience they are just cute little sinners.  When they want to take your cookies, they just steal them.  If they don’t like you, they don’t pretend they do.   What you see is what you get.  With children, you don’t worry about subtext because there isn’t any.

We adults, however, are much more sophisticated in our sinning.  We get really good at it.  And  not only do we fool others, we get awefully good at fooling ourselves.   But we don’t fool God.  I think Jesus is telling us if we want to approach Him we need to quit pretending we’re better than we are.  For me that means admiting that I am a hypocrit about a lot of things.

What do you think?

So this guy approached me in a parking lot outside the post office in town today about 1:00 pm.  He said he wanted to buy two Whopper Juniors and two fries at the Burger King across the street.  He said they were only a dollar each.  I suspected he just wanted cash, but I asked him if he was hungry and he said he was.  I told him if he’d walk across the street I’d buy them for him.  He got a strange look in his eye and acted reluctant, but said he would.  So I drove 50 yards down the street and waited on him to show up.  Sure enough he did and I got in line with him.  He ordered two burgers and two fries to go.  I paid, shook his hand (though he didn’t look me in the eye or thank me) and I went on about my day.  My son told me about a friend of ours that did this same thing in a similar situation, so I’m just copying his actions.  Does this verse apply?  Was that a good way to handle this situation?

….so be as shrewd as snakes and harmless as doves.  Matthew 10:16b (NLT)

The Wrong Crowd

Tax collectors and other notorious sinners often came to listen to Jesus teach.  This made the Pharisees and teachers of religeous law complain that he was associating with such sinful people – even eating with them.  Luke 15:1 (NLT)

Those that were far from God and outcasts from polite society actively came to listen to Jesus teach.  Isn’t that amazing?  As Andy Stanley puts it so well, “People who were nothing like Jesus liked Jesus.”  If the wrong crowd kept coming to Jesus, why did they come?  I think they saw acceptance from Him even though they were unacceptable.  I think their eyes and ears were open to the Truth because His authority and righteousness were side-by-side with genuine love and grace and care for them.  Too often we Christians, myself included, find ourselves acting more like Phariseeans.  As individual Christians, and as the church, we need to really work on attracting the wrong crowd in the right way.